The strong one
A victim
The Hero
Tyrant
Sick role
Good or bad patient
Provider
Nurturer
Passive
Leader
We often go about our lives, moving through the hours of our days, automatically or more consciously slipping into roles. We are cast into them by our experiences, history, societal and family expectations, traditions, culture, and our values. Some are chosen, passed down, taken on due to necessity or forced by others or us. Then we temporarily, or more permanently, step out of them, until we have to once more, slip back into them.
If your roles were hats, how many would you wear in a day? How often would you put one on, swap one for another, or stack them? How large a closet or suitcase would you need to store them or cart them around?
If I were to guess, this could depend on the number of places and tribes we tend to find ourselves circulating or caught between, and how we are invited or driven to interact with others, and see ourselves in each.
One hat for your partner, a different one for your mum. Another for parenting. Another still for work, and once there, a different style for leading, another for being led. One to use amongst colleagues, sometimes neglected to remove with bosses in meetings. A completely different and more comfortable one for relaxing by yourself, your pets or with trusted friends.
Some, even though heavy or uncomfortable, you’ve needed to survive. Some you love wearing but don’t often get the chance to. Others you resent but can’t discard. Some you have worn for so long they are threadbare, and you’ve forgotten they’re still on at all. Others you’ve inherited and can’t bear to part with, but are not really your true style.
How we feel in each hat, we may not always stop to consider before how others see or like us in each. To others, one or more hats might be so unexpected or surprising to see us in, to them, it doesn’t suit us. They may strictly prefer us in a particular one. While we however, may long for them to like us in the comfy threadbare one, however it looks.
Some hats are so familiar, so ‘us’, that we assume we shouldn’t take them off. It may sometimes be challenging to completely stop wearing them if we want to, but here’s a reminder of other options. You could always borrow or try on someone else’s, or a new one before committing. Or wear the familiar one you resent at a jaunty angle, or backwards. You could customise it with feathers, studs, or glitter to suit your style, and so it looks different to others. You could adjust its size or shape to fit you better. Or at least start by taking it off every so often for practical purposes. Every now and then, you could remind yourself: we can often choose our own hats, and when, and how to wear and style them.
© 2026 Lorraine Welch. All rights reserved
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